oh for bleeding hell…
Sir and I have been spending some time together. Alot of time actually which is nice. Alot is just… normal time. I made him dinner twice. I even helped him do some laundry. That was an interesting experience. The dryer took for-freaking-ever to dry clothes. I was a little tired but didn’t think anything about it . I have been running on sleep deprived for some time now.
Sir left around eleven. I went to bed. He told me I needed to get some sleep. So .. i did. I woke up at 2 AM And I thought to myself.. hmmm something is NOT right in my body. I felt hot and sweaty and … ewwww like I was going to hurl. So I (being the kind who does NOT like to hurl) tried to go back to sleep. Avoid puking at all costs.
That is when the too much saliva-y feeling started.
I walked in the bathroom debating with myself if I should actually be debating with myself on throwing up. Everyone tells me “quit fighting it and get it over with you will feel better” . I was thinking this when the chick from the exorcist took over my body and began exorcizing my demons. Or the spaghetti I had eaten for dinner. I called in to work I thought I could sleep an hour and go in and have no problem…
Yeah that didn’t happen. I couldn’t even .. lift my head.. walk… anything. I had to crawl just to get back to bed. Did I mention that since i moved back my parents have been out of town. So yes. utterly alone. I get back in bed and remember I still have two anti nausea pills left from my surgery. I crawl to the vanity and take one, then crawl back to bed. The anti nausea pill didn’t stay long. What else… oh yes the leg cramps from hell. Apparently being deydrated … makes you have leg cramps.
My sister came by brought me some gatorade and coca cola. She tried to make me chicken broth.. That ended up with the spaghetti and anti nausea pill. I took the OTHER anti nausea pill . which knocked me out. I never knew that I could sleep an entire day. with .. intermittent wakings up to finish exorcize what demons were left in my body.
I texted Sir later in the day. He was a little perturbed that I didn’t tell him what was going on earlier. I just don’t want to burden him with stupid shit this early on .
It is bad enough that I have discovered that I am … a fretter.
I worry about everything.
I worry that I never say the right thing. Worry that I never measure up. Worry that Sir will get tired of my incessant fretting. Worry about cooking for him so much that I over cook something.
He is nothing but kind.. .always tells me I am fine. that I am a good girl. To STOP worrying … To STOP apologizing. I am trying… to stop.
But I think that when someone has been so neglected… so rejected it is hard to not … worry.
Sir is calm and easy going and I am just … not. I am hoping that this is something I can learn from him.
I have been amazingly calm right now.. being sick doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for… worry. Other than ohmygosh … everything hurts…
I think I need a doctor in the house. hehe